a poem about us.

So here is another poem that will end up crumpled at the bottom of my stomach. Filled with things I want to tell you just…

Not like this. I’m sick of writing in between the lines, you don’t have to seek it out but you do. I have to write it down cause it’s the only way I know how to move forwards.
If you wanted to know how I feel why not find your way to my new doorstep where I sleep alone now. I slept alone before but it never felt like I did cause I woke up with you.

I know when you read my words it probably makes your mouth taste bitter like drinking black coffee straight from the pot. I know when you take it all in you probably think I’m crazy cause you know I’m a little on edge always. You know this cause you were the one I called when I wanted to step in front of the train tracks and call it the end of my shift. I know cause you told me never to leave because you couldn’t bare to exist in this space without me and now you exist without me but you are all I think about and I can’t find a space to put it.

How can I put it places when it ends up on billboard projected at you like I’m trying to hurt you. I don’t wanna hurt you the way others have hurt me, the way it felt when I couldn’t speak with you for weeks but it was more like forever at least for me.

When I see a postcards and cry in the shower for 30 minutes saying stupid shit about us being birds and skyscrapers, how we’ve changed but we’re still stupid kids trying our bests. Fighters. You never saw me as weak just someone who was always trying their best to be better. We were always trying out best to be better.

I keep a polaroid of us in my wallet I only took it out for two weeks but it went right back to where it belongs. I know you believe in God and I believe in the universe but with you it’s not about fate, or destiny, or power. It’s just a bottom bunk or a cup of coffee or me telling you I love you like this instead of the way I want to because you deserve the label of BEST friend because you’re the best.

I texted you tonight to tell you I was the one who sent you roses on your birthday because I think you still love roses. Because regardless of your brand on sneakers or the way your hair falls I love the person you are in a way that isn’t nude photographs or a waiting game. Maybe not in a relationship way but in a way that means I have to keep writing poetry so you know way.