pieces.

I’m trying to unlearn things they taught me. How the world tells us we need to figure out who we are but when you go through life there will be times you must uproot yourself from the stability you once knew. Sometimes someone does it for you and you get no say. Because you don’t just create yourself once, sometimes you have to go back to the drawing board and try to reconstruct all your edges into something new to survive. So I’m trying to reconfigure myself into someone I want to be but the old me’s keep pulling up old drafts or chapters I’ve tried to leave behind. 

How I can’t trust and when I do you’ll probably have to promise a million times even if you already told me. There is a misconnection between my ears and my common sense, someone stole it a long time ago and I looked as hard as I could but couldn’t find it. Please don’t get mad sometimes it’s hard to find the words. They taught me mine did not belong to me. They taught me words are dangerous and if you use the wrong ones everything will fall apart.

 So I learned which ones were safe to use like I’m sorry or I don’t know or I don’t care. Worst case scenario is the only one my eyes can see someone took a light and flashed it one too many times so I’ve lost sight of what it feels like to not panic when something is amiss. 

All these people sunk their fingers into my brain and tried to pull out the parts they liked so now I feel hollow. Now I feel static. Now I am trying to heal. I’m trying to find all these puzzle pieces people took and lost and my box is so empty. I don’t know where they went but I know that maybe I’ll never fully find them but I will try to make do with what I have. Filling the gaps with new found feelings and memories and people. I’m trying. I promise.